Do you know that feeling when you highest wish at one time come true months later when you do not care so much about it?
Well that happend to me today. And it was like a victory. Another goal to hook of my "wish-it-will-happen"-list.
Anyways, that guy was giving me loong looks and smiled at me a lot at a school arrangement last week. It was super fun, and i felt soo happy! I smiled back at him, and he had an on going secretly non-verbal flirt through the whole tournament. So sneaky and exciting! I wish we could have som more contact in our everyday life though. But i guess you can`t get everything you wish for in the world.
... Or can you? ;)
"Keep your head up. God gives his hardest
battles to his strongest soldiers"
"We are all fighting our own battels, just hope someone would understand mine sometimes"
Have way to many thoughts these days, hopefully it will all very son be over.
"Accepts your war, and win it!"
"We can breathe in space.
...they just don't want us to escape"
I have gotten a lot of questions lately about my dreams. "What's your dream?", "what your goal?". And I don't have any special wishes or goals. Of course I have some things that I sort of always have wanted to happen, but I don't feel like there is any purpose to plan everything. The last years I have noticed that my passions have grown stronger as I have grew older. And I am so happy that I have choose, what I feel, is the right path for me.
My wish right now, is to get him as a valentines date. Hope he will invite me or at least send me a text. But I don't know what will happen.
The world is a magical place, and you are a part of it all. But maybe out in the space it is a better place? We are not alone in this universe.
Hi, you remember that guy I have been talking about? The guy I have sent some texts with, but never meet after that amazing party night for some months ago. Anyways we have talked some and have planned to meet some time very soon. Right before Christmas he send me the cutest text asking me if I could find some time for him so we could meet up when the holidays were over and when we both where back in town. I answered him and said "yes, that would have been great:)".
On New Year's Eve I send him a texts wishing him a good new year and hoped he had a great celebration. But I never got any answer back. So now I am sitting here and don't know how to feel about it. As earlier mentioned I am not I love with him,but just the feeling that he does not reply stresses me a bit. And all he typical thoughts comes to my brain. "Dosesnt he like me anymore?", "have he found someone else?", "is he tired of me and him never meeting?", "have he something going on with somebody else?". I guess you get the picture... If he have found someone else I feel so happy for him, by all meens. But still, what now? What about me and us?
All I know is that the show must go on. And earlier he has always replied me as some point, even thought this is not the first time he has not been answering my texts. Just because he is so bad at replying, and he admit it himself as well as he has told me he is sorry multiple of times because of his late and sometimes non reply texts.
But I always get some text from him sometime, but not this time... I have said this soapy times before and every time he proofs me wrong. I hope he will text me soon again, bale wise he seems like a really nice guy. Bit as I said the show must go on. And my life is cutie a show, at least in my head. ;-)
Hope you all had a great New Year's Eve! I did not get any kiss and noon, hope you guys did. Specially from your beloved or secret one. No matter what happens, it can ways be better, always remember that!
"But in the end it was all worth it", she said to herself as she layd in bed. And she believed it. She was following her dreams and all thought it was overwhelming and way to much to do she knew that in the end everything would be okay.
She kept dreaming of the new year and all the opertunities that layd in it, just waiting for her. This year it was all about to change, she was moving to another country and the whole world layd in front of her feets.
A lot of things had turned her down, but every time she got up. Because the spark deep inside her never stopped shining. She was stronger than what she had assumed, she wouldn't let anything break her down for long periods of time. All the pain, work and thoughts was so hard. But she knew that in the end, it was all worth it.
Today in class our teacher told us to close our eyes and think about something wonderful. It should be a thought about anything as long as it was positive to you. In our minds everything is possible with imagination, she said! The first that entered my mind was the guy I have been texting a bit with lately. "Think about whatever you are thinking about so hard that it will fill your entire body!", my teacher said. And I did. I thought of me and him laying on the cauch cuddling, kissing and talking to each other. He held his arms around me and looked into my eyes and then he kissed me (in my thoughts of course...). My entire body just started reacting, my heart beated faster, my pulse was running faster and my whole body become warm. And it felt like my entire face was blushing.
He was the perfect guy. His brown eyes just looked at me and adored what they saw. His strong arms held around my waist and his lips was so soft and warm. His kiss felt like the most amazing thing in the world. In this class bit the inside of my cheeks trying not to smile. In my thoughts he was the perfect guy, because I created him the way I wanted him to be. All of a sudden he got up from the cauch grabbed my arm gently and led me into the bedroom. The light was turned off, the only thing making light was some candles he had turned on fire. It was the most romantic place. He lifter me up and carried me to the bed where he slowly putted me down. He layed himself on top of me and kissed me softly. Then he took of his shirt and mine. We both layed there feeling our skin against each other.
"Now open your eyes" said the teacher. Suddenly I was back I reality, in the boring, grey-looking classroom. I wished so bad that this was going to happening, but i grus sit dont. Just as the thought of it might never happen had hitted me i was thinking to myself; with a little effort and a lot of currage This might happen some day. It was such a magic moment in my everyday classroom.
"Dreams become true when they are turned into gols"
Maybe someday it might just happen;)
So guys, it's on again. I got a text from the boy who wanted to meet up yesterday. For the first weekend in a long time I was not out partying, and of course he was! I just wonder where it will all end. I am not in love with him, but the thought of meeting him is so exciting! I love to always have someone, boy(s), who sends me texts and care for me in some way, and as of now he is that one to me. So as always I have a plan, this time I have planned to invite him over. Not as in a date, but just if I get a text from him asking me if I am out I will say yes, even if I am not. I will go out and meet him, and the invite him to stay the night with me. You probably asking yourself why I did not invite him sooner and why I want him to sleep over if I am not interested in him. We, the reason why I have not asked him to stay over is because my roomies are home, but they will go home for Christmas next week and then I have my whole appartment to myself. So if he stays the night no one needs to know;) the reason for why I want him to spend the night when I am not interested is for fun. I am only young once (IOYO) haha! And why not have a little fun? I am pretty sure he is also just looking for some fun, but if he really is interested, then I will not play with him. To sum it all up, have some fun and don't worry so much about everything! I am excited!!
Over to something different, project of this week is have fun and be flirty.
Haters gonna hate and all that, but I want to have fun and when I am old I will not live with regrets of why I didn't take the chance while I had it.
Can't wait for the next text, even if it is me or him who sends it. Feel like it is my turn to text him first, so I probably will.
Now I am gonna dream about my life and sleep. Have a fantastic week everyone.
"Things doesn't get fun by themselves, you have to create the fun";-)
Just the way you held around me, tight. Your smell, look and loving words. This was really it I thought to myself, this was the moments I had been waiting for so long to happen. - just as the thought had hitted me I woke up from my dream. It was a strange dream where you was so sweet and kind towards me, just as I had imagined to myself.
But I woke up, and was a bit dissapointed that it was all just a dream, but on the other hand I was relived. I don't know what is was but this kind of wave of love had hitted me the last weeks. I want to feel loved and have fun with boys. I want someone to hold around me, watch movies with and just someone to lay in bed with all day. But the million dollar question was where to find him?
My search started... Eh well, everywhere!(?) I was kind of desperate, but not too desperate. Matter of fact I was kind of picki when it came to boys. I don't want a boyfriend because I have no time for that now, but just a boy to call, talk to and cuddle with. I miss having someone to hold around me and kiss me good night, and all my lately dreams was a reflection of that. The more I thought of wanting a "cuddle-guy" the more I started to make plans. And plans always needs a goal, right?
Therefore I have decided to do something about it. My plan is on.
And btw, that guy I have been planning to meet up with again, well we never can make it. Both of us is very bussy with school, and out life in general. But I know that one day we will meet and then I will just see what happens. I have small expectations for us, one of the reasons is me. I am just not as interested as I should be. Even thought the thought of meeting him is very tempting.
I guess I just am desperate for some action now a days. A quote once heard had been stuck with me theast years since I heard it. "Never regret or fear anything before you are in it". And that quoted is so true, just think about it. Things does not always turn out the way you might think. Often for the better!
Have a wonderful week everyone, and good luck with your manhunt;-)
"I am in an all white party wearing all black"
Back with some more gossip. He texted me Friday and Saturday. He wanted to hang out but it did not match our schedules neither of the days. We planned to meet next weekend, so I hope that will happen. It's nothing more special than that. So I uses it is not as fun gossip for you guys to know, but I just need to share it. Maybe I will be back next weekend with some more gossip, and I hope it is more interesting than some texts;)
Anyways, tomorrow is a new week, and is back on track with studying and late nights with books. I kind of like it, but at the same time I would like to just fool around on the internet and do whatever I want, when I want. But it's all getting me closer to the goal and my dream job in the furture.
I have decided to start with new a weekly project. So every week will be a theme week. My first one is to learn how to stand on your hands. Simple goal, but I will be able to do things with my body. So I will focus on body control this week. Remember, you don't need New Years to get a new start, all you need is Monday. And since there are ca 52 mondays in a year you can appomplish a lot in just a year. Why not start now?
"Yesterday you said tomorrow"!
"We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair"
- royals, lorde
Talk to you soon:)
You guys must think i am bipolar or something, bevause my mood goes up and down like crazy. But i am not, I just have a lot to think about now a days.
Anyways, this weekend I am so excited for! I am going out with some girls in class and "the one" is probably also going out, and we have planned to meet. Super excited!! wonder what to wear though? all I know is that I am going to be drunk and have so much fun, with or without him:) But before this wonerful weekend that layes ahead of me, i have some very long hours againwith studying.
update will come for sure;)
"I am not sayin I am Batman, i am just saying no one has ever seen Batman and I in the same room"
Never in my life had I felt so alone. I guess it is a part of growing up. Finding people you can relay on and people who is important to you. My family was important to me, and I say was because the where more important before. Last time I saw them I got the same feeling back as I had when I lived with them. And the feeling is no good. When I saw them it made me feel like I don't want this. I want something more, someone more caring and thoughtful. Don't understand me because they to everything for me, but not in the right way, and not enough... I have to cry, I have some many mixed motions of most bad things than I need to get out. But I can't cry. I am holding on trying to be strong, but very soon the barrier will be down and so will I. I am at the edge to a motional breakdown. And I don't know how to handle it. Nobody knows because I am always trying to act strong, happy and independent but I am not.
I have been looking for opportunities to help me make this. All of my own therapeutic ways wouldn't seem to help anymore. I have realized I need more help from a profession. Therefore next week I will be seeing a psycholog. I need someone to guide me to the right life I want to have. Cause lately everything I used to like I don't like anymore. And I am tired going around holding my crying inside like a big clump in my throught. I just can't handle this anymore.
But on the other side my life is not all bad. You know that guy that always keep coming back when I think he never will? Well, he texted me yesterday wondering if I wanted to hang out with him. And as always I turned him down, I told him no.. But I reverted it later and send him a text asking if he wanted to hang out next weekend, and he said he would. So that was a light in my everyday life. But on the other hand I am not interested in him, at least not that much..
I just don't know what is wrong with me... Nothing seems to be fun anymore. All I want is to jump 5 years ahead in my life and see if some good changes has happen.
I don't know why I am writing this even. Maybe compassion? Help? Or a solution? I have no clue, but whatever can help me right now, I'll take it.
"Life is like a roller coaster and right now it seems like mine has a motor problem at the bottom..."
She straigthens her hair
puts her eyeliner on
glosses her lips
and take one last look in the mirror.
...All for the guy who wil never care.
BOOOM! its on again. I send him a text yesterday, did not get any answer before this morning.
He wrote a long message asking me questions and so on.I wrote him back. He ended the conversation with the texting "we need to catch up after your vacation".
I was jumping, smiling and screaming. Everytime when i thinki have lost him, he keeps coming back. I have not talked to him in a long while, but here the other day i saw
him at school. I pretended i did not see him, but i know he saw me. I am so excited to meet him after my vacation. Nervous,but yet so high on life.
Hoping i get to kiss him, thats my goal for the night, as well as getting a secound date.
In another way i do not want to be together with him, but why not have a little fun? I think he have the thought.
As everything seemed to broke down in her life, she went for a run in the rain. That was her way of solving problems. She loved the rain, it gave her a feeling that the weather felt as she did. Angry, mad and disappointed she was listening to high music as she runned down the streets full of colorful leaves. All of a sudden a thought was brought to her mind and that was that everything was gonna be okay. So she stopped running and just smelled the fresh atumn air. When she came home she found a we page telling her "that guy's" schedule for school. She hid her smile for the others in the room, but inside she was jumping of happiness. Now she had a reason to smile. She had found a way of meeting him "randomly". Maybe this was the chapter of something new and exciting that she had been waiting for? She went to bed, her thoughts was spinning around. But she was happy. It was just another day in her life when things turned out exfac toy the way she wanted. Or at least it was a start to what she wanted.
She laid in her bed all teared up.
The guy she wanted was an idiot and seemed interested only when he wanted to be interested. School was hard and very difficult. The fear of losing him layers in the back of her head all the time. Suddenly everything in her life seemed to hit the breaking point. She cried alone in her bed just thinking of all the sad things who had happen lately. Even though the girl was afraid deep inside she knew that the only thing that could stop her from getting what she wanted was herself.
She was often sad, but she knew that deep
Inside her the spark never stop glowing. She was unstoppable in the end. Things had broken her down many times, but every time she got up. Things was in constant change, and she hated it as much as she loved it. Before she went to sleep she whispered to herself "the road is made while walking". And that was a saying she would never forget. She smiles as her tears runes down her face, cause she also remembered that it is in an incline it goes upp. That was the definition of her and her life.
I posted a new profile picture on Facebook the other day. Many people liked it, and among them was you. I guess it is true what people say; "sometimes just one person is enough to make you happy".
The truth is, all the other people who liked the picture can not compare with you alone. Your like meant more than anyone's like! You should only have known how much it meant to me, and how long I can live on that.
Well, i meet him at wednesdayand it was... eh great to see him again.
One of the first things I saw when i entered the room was him. I got all nervous and excited.
I have had the pep-talk with myself, wherei had promised to talk to him if i got the chance.
Well, 3 secounds later i passed him. I said `hi`and smiled, and he replied with `hi`and smiled. He was busy with somethings so the conversation had to end there, naturally.
I watched him all day, and got some looks from him. not the normal look, if you know what i mean;)
Later that day we texted a bit, and continued the next day as well.
Now i havenot talked or seen him in almost a week. Im just so afraid to send that text... asking if he want to hang out.
But there will be more oppertunities, and im gonna wait for them and grab them.
Wish me luck!
Lots of love from me (litterally!)
I am so happy now a days. I just smile all the time and have that
"Good feeling" in my stomach. I think the reason mainly must be a guy.
I meet him two weeks ago and we had such a fun time that night. Not in the perverse meaning of fun though. I like this guy a lot. Like a lot a lot. But the whole thing, If I can
say that, have not all been easy. We had not talked together since the time we meet,
but all the time I feel like I something more is going to happen between us.
So at Saturday I got a message from him at my phone. This message was the only
time we had spoke since that fun night. He asked me if I was going out to party.
I told him no, because I was at home with my friend. His reply was that he was just
going out to celebrate his friend birthday, and that it would have been great if I joined
them too. I texted him back and said we should do it another time. And I ended the text with have fun:). But since then I have not heard anything from him. But still I feel like this is not the end. Just like last time, and I was right the last time, so hope I am now too.
I am such a dork in my head. It is all about him, love and I am imagine the two of us together watching movies and cuddling. I feel like I have to make something happen, although he seemed quite confident I think he was a bit shy when it comes to girls.
And just like me we are both a bit shy. So to make this work I need to send him the next text. I have never done such thing before, so I am a bit a afraid, but yet also excited.
I always keep thinking what is the worst that can happen?
For once in my life I need to take charge and be the "pusher" to he anywhere with him.
Because he seems interested, but shy.
Thursday is the day I will start because then he is around. With me luck!
I'll keep you opdated;)
smiling now a days, just missing the special one:)
But great things happens all the time, amazing things happens suddenly!
You will always be my biggest "what if".
Guys, I just can't get him out of my head. He is there all the time.
All the freaking time! I look for him everywhere I go, and I picture conversations
between me and him. I am not in love with him, but he is just so interesting.
I stalk him on Facebook everyday, even though he is not active there, and I
hope to see him and talk to him all the time. I even know where his parrenrs live.
It drives me crazy!
I wonder what he do, who he is with and what his plans is for the day.
I run past his neighborhood so I might get to see him and I always choose to walk, run
and even shop in the stores whee I know I might see him. I am obsessed, but not in love. Everytime when I am doing something I always choose the things where there is biggest chance to meet him. Am I crazy or what?? What is all this?
Help me not get obsessed anymore! He is basically controlling my life without knowing it himself. I hope this period of obsession god over ASAP! It is all just insane.
Feel so stupid. I don't even know if he thinks of me. But I know he noticed me, maybe hat is the reason why I get so obsessed? Because I know there is a little chance that something might happen between us?
Hope is not just me who is so crazy as this...
Wonder what you are thinking about when you lay in bed at night?
Wonder who you are thinking about when you lay in bed at night?
Wonder why you are thinking about what/who when you lay in bed at night?#handsome
Today I turned down an opertunity that could be the finish or the start to everything.
I am crazy to say no. When I think about it I should have said yes and jumped straight
into it. But I did not because I am to afraid...
All I know now is that I am closer to finish that the start. I'm such a pussy...
saturday will change things:)
Today was an awesome day! I was at work, just doing the normal when my dreamboy entered the store. My heart raised and I got all nervous. I was trying to keep calm and act normal, and I did pretty good. When he was checking out his buys he came to my cashier. All I could think was act normal and sharming. I said hi and he replied.
After he had left a girl I work with asked me if I knew the boy. I lied and told her no, just for the reason not to get caugth of stalking him. She told me that he had asked her for my name because he think I was cute. I just laughed it away, but inside I was jumping of happiness and smiling! I was so happy, and finally I got my confirm. The guy I have been stalking and looking at for such a long time noticed me and thought I was cute! And he wanted to know my name:)
But even though I finally got to hear what I have been wishing for so long, I just feel
like I just could check of another point at my "wish list". I wasn't a big deal anymore, it was just the confirm I needed and wanted. But still I have been thinking about what he said since I heard it. It was such a booster to my self imagine. And I know I am gonna live really long on that comment! :) I would like to get to know you better, but I feel it all stops here. Anyhow I achieved my "goal", and I am so happy;)
I guess my favorite quote "everything happens for a reason" got a new meaning to me.
The last two and a half months have been like a roller coaster, and now the ride finally
have stopped. I got things cleared up, and I got one of my dreams come true a few days ago. Even if life wouldn't seem to cooperate sometimes, it will adventually.
I feel happy now, and excited. A chapter of my life is now over and a new and hopefully better one is beginning. I said in my last blogpost that I wil be back, and now I am.
I guess it is all about your thoughts and feelings. How you feel changes and forms everything in your life. The
two last months have been so... Slow, If that's the right word to use. I was lacking in inspiration and motivation and everything seemed boring.
But now better times have come, and I am ready. Great to see some of you still stopping by my blog. I am sorry for being missing for so long.
" do not collect things, but memories"❤
Ttyl , as Paris Hilton says;)
Another shitty day today. They seem to come more often lately.
Well, i think it is just my mind who is full of shit, to much to deal with at the moment.
I said i will be back, and i will. Just not yet, need to fix This mess in my head.
Write to you soon:)
The inspiration is not the same as it was before, but i am slovly getting there.
All my fokus is now on training and eating healthy. Bcause i have added a new goal to my things-i-should-do-before-i-die-list. And that is be a fitness model. Not to live bye being a model, but Get on the cover to at least one magazine!
Hope that day will come one day:)
Long time Since i have written something. When i look back at my
Previest writings i was so happy, and ful Of inspiration. But now i just felel empty.
A lot Of tings has been so difficult lately and i feel everything goes wrong.
I have screved up a lot Of things, without purpose and now it is time to fix them again.
The way back is very hard. I felel like i am on the bottom Of everything. Is it not my turn to make something
go my way. Where did all the inspiration go?
I do not Even know why i say this and i feel like i complain, but everything is just so hard right now.
I guess i have to sort Of pay for all the fun i have had.
Not all days are the same and this one has been an awful one.
I will say good Night now, and hope that tomorrow will be better.
"The best medisine is the Night between two days".
I guess i will learn from this hard times, all i need is a Great summer filled with a lot Of inspiration and laugther.
Is that to much to Ask for?
So please, just let this summer be amazing and things fixed.
All i know is to never give up, that will just make everything a lot worse.
Even when giving up is all i want right now.
I will be back, hopefully very soon, with fun writings and inspiration.
Just not today.